If you read my previous blog you know the past several weeks have been rather hard to deal with. On top of receiving a not so positive report from Hershey I had to put down my sidekick Daisy. Daisy was my dog, a boxer and has been with me since 2000. She was a loyal companion that never let me out of her sight. When I had to be in the wheelchair fultime she got even more protective with me. She was by far the most intelligent dog I ever had. She possibly had a stroke, cancer or something neurological wrong with her. She could no longer walk without falling or holding herself up by leaning against the wall or furniture. The vet said we did the right thing by putting her down. I still think I hear her or I find myself looking to see where she is when I go to move my chair.
When I received my diagnosis of ALS, I knew it was going to be a tough thing to deal with. Getting the results I got from Hershey really came as no surprise to me because I knew the time would come sooner or later when these types of symptoms accur. But I guess I really wasn't thinking it would happen now since my progression was rather slow to this point. As with each loss I experience, there is a time of denial then eventually acceptance.
I still struggle to make sense of it all, but then I'm reminded that all things work together for the good. God promised never to leave or forsake us. To be honest, there are times when I feel God is nowhere to be found, but I know he is always near me somewhere. I reach out to him and once again I ask him to know that I am in his will and plan he has for my life. Even Jesus felt deserted when hanging on the cross, but he knew that was God's plan for his life so a wretch like me could be saved. When I realize how much he loves me in the sinful state that I'm in, I am forever grateful that he allowed God to use him in that capacity for my salvation. Even though it makes no sense to me why I have ALS, I know God has a plan and a purpose for my life. There are times I think about how Jesus asked God to take this cup from me but not my will but may your will be done. As hard as it is, I want God's purpose for my life. I know he will provide the strength and courage to continue on this journey.