Friday, January 22, 2010

Trust and Doubt

What does our trust look like when we can't explain our trouble or sickness? How do we look beyond it all? Some of us try to show faith by saying we are believing God for something in our lives like a job, health, or whatever other need they may have. Some say trusting in him means accepting that his ways are not our ways. I've come to realize that what it means to trust God can be almost as hard as the situation itself. I've also come to realize that the Word of God gives us wisdom for those struggles.
I am learning not to be afraid to be honest with God. David expressed his despair and helplessness for things beyond his control. Job accused God of being unfair. When it seemed God was ignoring them, they expressed it. But they learned to trust God in the dark times of their doubts.
It helps me when I break this journey down into small steps. As a friend once told me, inch by inch life's a cinch, yard by yard life is hard. God promised I will never leave you or forsake you.
In desperate times we think we know what we need from God. But God knows what is best for us even in difficult circumstances.
It gets real easy to doubt yourself. Job got to where he doubted himself more than he doubted God. After being reminded of the eternal power of God , he fell to his knees. From a broken heart, Job said,"I know that you can do everything, and that no purpose of yours can be withheld from you . I have uttered what I did not understand, things to wonderful for me, which I did not know. I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you".
Even though I have doubts at times, when I see God and who he is, trusting him is a little easier.

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year

2010, I face this year feeling a bit apprehensive thinking about what I might face this year. What will the future hold for me? Jesus on the Sermon on the Mount told us not to worry. It's easy to say but much harder to practice. I don't really worry about the past because it is gone and I can't do anything about the past. A few regrets maybe, but I can't change the past, but I do worry about the future.

Jesus said don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. With this disease there are so many questions about the future and what ifs.

When we lived in the woods, we had a bird feeder to feed the birds. I recall sitting there in the dining room watching the birds come and go. I often thought about what Jesus said about the birds, "look at the birds of the air, they don't sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't we more valuable than they? Who can add a single hour to his life by worrying?" God knows each bird, cares for each bird, and knows when each bird dies. If God does that for the birds, won't he take care of us?

Jesus said to seek his kingdom and his righteousness, and he will take care of all the little details of life. So when I see a bird, I know that he takes care of that bird and he will take care of me.

Lord help me not to worry but trust you with my life, Amen